It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
