Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
