the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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