what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
