he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
