i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
