If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
