I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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