Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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