I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
