after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
