Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize