i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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