I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
