I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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