mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
