Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
