I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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