so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You are the jesus of drinking
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
