Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
