i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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