I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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