I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
