YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
