I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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