you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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