So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
