No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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