i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Congratulations! We have a period
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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