its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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