i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
