No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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