She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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