you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
