i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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