i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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