Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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