Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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