I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
