My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
