after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
