Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
