At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
