How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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