I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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