even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
