repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
