the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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