I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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