you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
