If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
