I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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