the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
