I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
