I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
