Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i've created a new STD.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
