The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
