just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
