Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
