I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
