i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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