There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize