I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
